For the people reading this who don’t know me, my name is Aanya, and I debate at LASA.
I care very deeply about WGM because my debate career has been shaped a lot by sexism. I debate on a team where I am the only girl in my year, and it can be very isolating. Sexism in debate often isn’t something that happens intentionally or maliciously, but it has crept its way into the debate experience of every girl in debate I know, including myself.
For instance, people always compare who the “best girl” in debate is. It seems as though any time two talented female debaters are brought up in conversation, it’s always that one has to be better than the other. The Discord group chats are never really talking about who the “best guy” is. No one ever says you’re good “for a guy” because “that would be stupid”.
Also, whenever unemployed people get on r/policydebate and make their arbitrary predictions on who’s going to be good next year, I notice that there are a shockingly low number of female names on that list, too.
I notice that when guys win, they get the credit they rightfully deserve. When a girl wins, it seems as though we’re coming up with every excuse in the book for why she didn’t deserve it.
Some of you are reading this like, “This seems like a bit much, Aanya. Like, who cares about these meaningless complaints? People are dying. Just tune it out.”
Not only is that easier said than done, but it makes me angry that so many amazing debaters have to deal with the stupid jokes and the comparisons, and being told their speaking is too high-pitched, and the dumbass Discord group chats and being constantly interrupted. I’m sick of all of it and have been for a long time.
However, although I hate debate sexism, I love debate. It lights my brain on fire in a way nothing else ever has. I love to win. I love research, and winning debates on cards with my cite on them. I love the feeling of a well-executed 2NR.
My experience navigating debate showed me that tuning out the noise is important. I started winning way more when I did it. If you don’t believe me, check Tabroom. Going from 3-3 at the Meadows Tournament to Semis of Trevian in a year is NOT light work, and I owe a lot of it to my mindset.
You have to tune out the noise too, if not for your record, then for your own happiness.
Here’s my advice to anyone who loves debate but hates debate sexism:
1. You are good at debate.
No buts, no cuts, no coconuts.
I don’t care if you go 0-7 or 7-0 at the TOC. If you want to win, you have to believe that you are good, or at the very least, that you can be.
The first time these words were said to me, I was at a WGM meeting before my sophomore year. I had, weirdly enough, never heard them before, which is depressing, but pretty common. I think it’s unfortunate that most girls I know have heard people talking about how they suck before they hear the words “you are good at debate.”
I really want you to hear that, because it’s true. If you’re reading this, you probably care a lot about debate and want to win. I also want you to hear that you don't need to prove to anyone that you want to win and are good, except to yourself.
2. Find friends
This is pretty important, because mine have kept me sane. Shoutout to Clara, Aalya, Julia, and ALL the LASA juniors. You guys are the best.
Debate is a small community, but it can still feel very lonely without a good support system. I am lucky enough to be blessed with a great coach and amazing teammates, but it wasn’t always this way for me, and it may not be for you either. That’s okay.
My favorite part about WGM is that it is a support network. At camp every year, it makes me so happy when I see people leave our meetings with new friends in debate. If you go to camp over the summer, come to a WGM meeting, talk to people, and participate. If you don’t stand in a corner and show up to troll, I promise you, you will leave with a new friend.
Also, put yourself out there, both in your team and at tournaments. I made a lot of my debate friends by just chatting it up with strangers after rounds. I made a lot of my friends on the team by teaching novice lectures and talking to random new teammates. As a WGM in debate, you have to make an extra effort to become friends with like-minded people, because we do not have the “built-in” network that many guys do. However, when you do, it’s great and incredibly worth it. I think WGM in debate should have a built-in network, too. You deserve friends who get your experiences in debate and who listen to your opinions on arguments.
3. Advocate for yourself
Most of the time, guys in debate aren’t evil. They aren’t waking up in the morning every day to microaggress you in the debate space. While that doesn’t make sexism any less hurtful, it does mean that it is often unintentional. It is always easier to ignore the problem, but it is impossible to remedy sexism in debate without communication.
Next time your friend, partner, teammate, or even coach makes a sexist comment, try your luck communicating with them about how it hurt you. While I cannot guarantee success, you might find that they weren’t trying to be sexist, and you can help them fix their actions in the future.
More times than not, they’ll be like “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be hurtful,” and they’ll be chill afterwards.
Due to the nature of sexism in debate and its prevalence, even the chillest and kindest of people slip up sometimes. However, when they do, do not laugh along. Make them take accountability for their actions and stand up for both yourself and others.
While advocating for yourself is nerve-racking and difficult to do, you have to do it. I think it is incredibly helpful because it both helps you articulate what you’re feeling and gives you some power in trying to fix it. Regardless of how successful you are, trying is always good. Trust me. I’ve had a crazy amount of success with this both within my own team and with friends from other schools.
4. Mean people are Insecure
The first time you hear someone degrade your abilities is pretty devastating, and it hurts more when it feels like it’s because you’re a woman or gender minority. It is incredibly frustrating to finally have a win you’re satisfied with or work you’re proud of reduced to an excuse for your success. However, nothing anyone says can ever take away from what you have accomplished or the work you put in.
The people who say that you got better speaker points “because you’re a girl” or make fun of your high-pitched voice are never happy with themselves. They probably secretly need a hug or a life, because they are wasting their time saying mean things about you on Discord while you are cutting cards. No one who likes themselves is intentionally unkind or sexist to other people in debate, regardless of how good their record is. If you think they are confident and happy because they win more than you, you should remember that if they were happy, they would be volunteering at an animal shelter or hanging out with their friends instead of being mean to you.
Do not let people like that ever say anything to bring you down.
5. You’re competing against yourself
I know this sounds corny, because debate is a competitive activity. I’m not saying to be* *uncompetitive (because obviously, competition is important), but it is incredibly important to remember that others’ opinions of your record are irrelevant.
Losing stings enough without knowing that people will use each lost debate as “evidence” of your incompetence. I still feel this way sometimes, and I know a lot of people (especially other WGMs) do too. Often, I have incredibly adverse reactions when I lose, partially because I genuinely hate losing and partially because I hear the voices of all the people who said I couldn’t do it whenever I lose an important debate. However, I have to remind myself to murder those voices and lock them up in the depths of my mind, because no one cares what they have to say.
When you’re sad about an important round and your mind drifts to thinking about what people will say about you and your worth as a debater, you need to stop. If you’re sad about losing, be sad because of your own expectations, not those of other people. Remember that everyone has a journey in debate, and sometimes, losing will be part of yours, just like it was part of mine. It does not mean you suck. I promise it gets better.
My coach, Yao Yao, once told me, “You’re so focused on the finish line, you forget to look back and see how far you’ve come.”
He is a wise dude, and I think this is especially worth remembering as a woman or gender minority in debate, because you have to remain ultra-resilient to what others say.
Those are my thoughts. If you read all this, I am astounded, but I hope I helped someone. I wish someone told me this stuff when I was a sophomore.
I hope that you tune out the noise, too.
[♥] arag